My mother’s parents didn’t get married until after my parents married. During mom’s upbringing Grandpa carried on two relationships in two different parts of town. Grandma was basically his mistress, who bore him six children. Because he didn’t want to pay child support, Grandpa waited until all the kids he had with his wife turned 18, divorced her, and then married my Grandma. During the time Grandpa was married to his first wife he never financially supported the family he had with Grandma. Thus, mom grew up on welfare.
When I visualize Grandpa (who is no longer alive) I see a grumpy old man who never did anything with us other than play cards when forced, and even then he never talked to us. Grandpa also had a drinking problem and, when drunk, would become violent. On a few occasions he was thrown into jail. One time Grandma reacted to another of Grandpa’s drunken rages by trying to light the house on fire while the kids were still in it. When fights like this occurred mom would run into the streets with her brothers and sisters calling the neighbours for help.
Mom remembers never being allowed to be seen in public with her father and recalls how traumatic that was for her as a little girl. Grandpa would come home on the weekends and stay in the house. Mom told her school friends that her dad was away working during the week and only at home on weekends, but then too tired to go out. By High School mom grew weary of covering up for her dad so that when she had to fill out her High School application and was asked about her father she simply wrote, “Deceased.” When the school phoned Grandma and she found out what mom did, Grandma was not impressed. For years my mother harboured bitterness towards her father and it was a long process (and through a relationship with Christ) that she was eventually able to forgive him.
Mom’s first connection with church was through a Sunday school program put on by the Lutherans. Although Grandpa and Grandma never went to church, that didn’t stop them from dropping their kids off at one. Hey, free babysitting! Mom’s memories of church were positive and this would be the entry point for my parents to later begin their spiritual search. This happened several years into their marriage when a Lutheran church was offering some evening classes on “getting to know Jesus.” Because of the good memories mom had with this denomination, they decided to attend. She felt this group was safe and not a weird cult.
In High School mom excelled. After graduating she entered a trade school and trained to be an x-ray technician and later became an MRI technician. During my years in high school, I was a lot closer to mom than dad. I remember many late night conversations discussing life and the Bible with her. During those years my mom was the most formative person in the development of my faith, which later put a strain on our relationship when I began making my faith my own.
 |
| Stef and his mom |
In college I began questioning my beliefs and I developed a number of views different from my mother’s. I became frustrated when I didn’t perceive her to be growing like I was. I needed more than my mom could offer and I felt angry with her for not being able to deliver. Looking back, my expectations were probably unrealistic, and I’m sure there’s plenty of material here for the Freudians to analyze, but this gradual straining of our relationship has never really recovered. It is not that we hold animosity towards each other. It’s just that we are not at close as we once were.
Growing up I always saw my mom involved in church. She was either leading home Bible Studies, teaching Sunday school or mentoring and counselling individuals in crisis. She is currently an elder at the church she and dad attend. I didn’t grow up in a home where women didn’t teach or take on senior positions in church. My mom did both of these and she did them well, and with the full support of dad.
What are some memories you have of your mother?
When posting your comment, select "Anonymous" and then add your name at the end of your comment.
Six children, all under the age of ten, one single mother with a partner that traveled all the time.
ReplyDeletePoverty knocking at their door and then… baby number seven arrived. How could Juana Sanchez raise that child? She barely could feed the other six…
In February 3, 1913 in Flores, Uruguay my mother was born, she was baby number seven.
Her name was Blanca Sanchez, and she has been my inspiration for as long as I can remember.
She was born on the lap of poverty, among the rubbles of a broken home.
She could have been one of the forgotten children from a hopeless cradle, like many others to be a sad statistic.
When she was two month old, she was given to a wealthy family in exchange for food and shelter. The family wanted to raise her to be Corita’s companion, Corita was their only daughter.
Within that family Blanca did not find love but she found a chance for survival and she took it! With determination, with a hunger for life, she took it and begun to draw her own path upward.
She never went to school, but she taught herself how to read and write. She was always dressed in secondhand clothes, but she learned how to sew and knit. (In fact one of the sweetest memories I have, is of my mother and I, in the afternoon sun, kitting)
First she was the foster child and Corita’s play mate, and then she was Corita’s maid. But somewhere between sadness and hope she learned how to dream, how to persevere, how to keep high moral values, she learned how to pray, how to love, how to fight and how to be somebody, even in a world that labeled her not important.
At age nineteen, she packed her childhood, left the obscure city and became a bride, a farmer’s wife. Again a new environment, and again she learned to face a different set of difficulties. Beside her husband she worked the land and became acquainted with the secrets of the seeds and the joys of the harvest.
At age twenty she became a mother, her first child was born in the warmth of a solid home and her loving arms were the cradle.
I met her twenty years later, she had given birth to four children and they all had grown up around her ample lap. She wasn’t tall but she carried herself with such dignity! She wasn’t wealthy but it was no need in her home.
She had a few extra pounds but she carried them with grace, she had the beauty of the strong, and the humility of the wise.
She was the disciplinary in our home; she had a business oriented mind and helped my father to balance the books. She had a non-nonsense approach to life, coming to think…perhaps she was the one who came up with the saying “Build a bridge and get over it” –in Spanish of course-
Her mind did not become static with age, but moved with the times, she thought young and she lived young, until she died at age eighty five.
Her determination inspired me.
Her perseverance inspired me.
Her adaptability inspired me.
Her eagerness to learn inspired me
Her love for life inspired me.
Her name was Blanca and she was my mother.
Alicia De Leon Epp
My Mom was born in Lauter Germany in Saxony on June 20, 1913 to Otto and Tabea Paschold as the second oldest daughter. The family of 7 children initially lived near Schneeberg They then moved to Lager Lechfeld in Bavariawhere my grossvater Otto owned a small clothing factory. Grossvater Otto was pressed into the German army in WW 1. In the mid wartime (1916) Mom’s older brother Paul died at age 8 of complications of a ruptured appendix. After the war, during the Weimar Republic, inflation was rampant with rapidly rising prices. Otto had to put daily income into a wheelbarrow and stop at the bakery for bread on the way home as the next day bread prices would rise again. He had to sell sewing machines and lay off workers in order to make ends meet. Finally the family decided to immigrate to Canada to seek better opportunities. One souvenir they brought to Canada was a one billion mark bill which was worthless!
ReplyDeleteMom was a 12 year old girl when the family landed in Quebec city. Her younger brother John, age 4, suffered a fractured leg in a fall on the ship, so he and Grossmutter had to stay in hospital in Quebec until the leg had healed . There was a fear that amputation might be required and then the family would have to return to Germany. During John’s month in hospital, Otto and the remaining 5 children moved on to a farm near Yorkton Saskatchewan. Otto went to work, 15 year old Mary looked after the children and Mom, now 13, went to work as a housemaid for a local pastor and his wife. The family then moved to Nokomis Saskatchewan for 2 years and then to a milder climate in Kelowna. Mom and family were charter members of the newly founded Grace Baptist church. Mom was the organist and had an apple box as a seat. The organ was a peddle organ and by the end of the church services the nails of the apple box got loose due to her vigorous peddling efforts and needed to be re-nailed. Mom did manage to get to grade 10 in school and wanted to graduate and become a teacher but times were tough and she was forced to leave school and go to work in a bakery. Meanwhile the Paschold family moved to a farm on bench-land in Okanagan Mission overlooking Okanagan lake. Mom blessed our family with a detailed biography of herself that she wrote, with pictures included.
Ron Hiller
My mom is the middle of 5 siblings, but was raised as the oldest in her home. Her two older half-brothers were adults when her parents were married and had her. She has two younger siblings that are much closer in age. I have fond memories of my mom's family - playing with my aunt and uncle at Oma's house, and visiting her older brother Hugo and his family in Washington and playing on their large property. My mom has great stories from her childhood – she sure was spunky! I love her stories about standing up to the neighbourhood bully, rescuing a cat, and even her stories about dating – which sure were comforting to me when I was upset about a boy!
ReplyDeleteMy mom and I look and sound very similar, but I think I take after my dad more (in terms of interests, and usually how we make decisions). My brother looks like dad but has a similar personality to my mom. Dad and I make decisions with our heads first and hearts second, while Mom and Paul wear their hearts on their sleeve. I really like that balance in our family! It was helpful to have very different parents who both gave good advice when I was struggling with a tough decision.
I really appreciate my mom and the good relationship we have. Especially during my teen years when I was VERY self-conscious, she was so awesome! We never had a scale in our home, and mom never complained about her looks or body around me. She was very uplifting and encouraging when I was down on myself about my looks growing up, and I'm so thankful for the example she gave me! She taught me to be confident in myself and comfortable in my own skin. She was also like a second mom to my girlfriends. When I'm a parent, I certainly want to raise my kids like she did! Our friends were always welcome in our home, and because of that, my house was usually the place that my girlfriends and I spent time. We used to sit on my kitchen floor with cups of tea and chat, and mom would come and sit with us and talk. She was always there for my friends - in fact, my two best friends had my parents at their weddings, and even go over for tea with her now that I don't live at home!
My Mom was born on Christmas Eve in 1961, and she was given the name Carol. She was the 2nd youngest of 7 children, though she never got to know 2 of her brothers who died before they were 2 from a heart condition. Her younger brother also died when he was 13 of the same condition, when she was 15 years old.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was 15 years old when my parents started dating, 19 when she married and 21 when she welcome me (the 1st of 3) into the world.
My Mom stayed at home for the first 10 years of my life and spend a lot of time and energy focused on her kids. She always made our birthdays special, going above and beyond. I have so many great childhood memories and I am thankful to my mom for putting in the extra time to plan camping trips, road trips and just to make our time at home memorable.
Once my Mom when back to work full time her focus changed. I think she spent so much time focused on everyone else that she felt she needed to shift. In this case she went from one extreme to the next instead of finding a balance in the middle.
Though I didn't spend as much time with my Mom as a teenager I am thankful that she always told me how much she loved me and that I could always come to her no matter what difficulty I might be facing.
My Mom asked my Dad to leave when I was 17 years old. This put a real damper on our mother daughter relationship since I was Daddy's girl. I didn't start to forgive my mom for a number of years afterwards, even though I was old enough to know that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work.
Thankfully I was able to forgive her and we now have a wonderful relationship as adults. I would definitely say that my Mom is one of my best friends.
Knowing that no mother is ever perfect I hope that when my children reflect on their childhood they will also thank me for the love and time I have pored into them and forgive me for my faults.
My Mom is Nana to my kids and I couldn't stop with out writing this. She LOVES her grandchildren with all her heart. When I watch my Mom with my kids I can see how she must have played with me when I was a young child. On the floor, on her knee's, piggy backs, tea party's, nail painting, movie nights... quality time. I love my Mom!
Melissa Neufeld
My mom got married at 19 and had me when she was 21 as well.
DeletePastor Stef
Erika Inge Berndt was born on Nov 5, 1936 to Elise and Max Berndt in Sophienberg/Pommerania, Germany (Poland)…it’s complicated. She was the youngest of 3 children. Her oldest brother is 11 years older than her, and her 2nd brother being 8 years older than her. Her father was drafted into the army in 1943. The family was separated during the war. Her mother died of Typhoid fever in 1945 at the age of 46. Mom was only 8 years old at the time of her mother’s death. She heard about her mom’s death from a neighbor who just happened to be at the hospital visiting someone else at the time.
ReplyDeleteHer neighbors at the time took care of her. Her neighbors were her first introduction to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus. They were Christians who loved Mom as if she was one of their own and told her all about Jesus.
Mom completed grade 8 in 6 years. She went to business school for 1 year and agricultural school for 2 years. In 1954 Mom skipped the border to West Berlin only to get caught by a soldier and sent back to East Germany. She tried again in April 1955 and was successful getting across the border to West Germany all by herself at the age of 18. She stayed with relatives in Bremen for a little over 1 year working in a spinning factory and then headed off to Canada to join her brother, Arno. She arrived in Quebec City, then travelled on to Regina and after that settled in Vancouver in 1957. She worked in Laundry and Dry cleaning in Regina for $27 per WEEK.
She met our father in 1958 and they married on April 3, 1962. In 1964 our father left our family and my Mom was left with 2 daughters under the ages of 2 years to take care of on her own. The divorce was finalized in 1969. Our father never paid child support and was never involved in our lives. In 1970 Mom started working at the Children’s Aid Society of Vancouver and continued there (with many changes) up until her retirement in 2002. She talks about how difficult those times were but how she always knew God was with her. God provided many friends and family that helped her through those difficult years. She was able to go back to East Germany to visit her eldest brother several times and we have had the privilege of going with her several times too (before and after the the wall came down).
Mom’s biggest worry (unknown to us) was always how we could exist on such a minimal wage and how she was able to support her daughters. But God was good, and we had what we needed, as minimal as it was. Mom never made us feel like we didn’t have enough. What we had was just enough, always. We always got “hand me downs” from friends and neighbors and Mom always made us feel like it was Christmas, never like it was horrible to get something used. We were so thankful and happy to get “new to us” clothing and shoes.
Mom never remarried and never learned how to drive. To this day she still takes the bus and skytrain everywhere she has to go. She has taught us how to be independent yet dependent on God. She has taught us how to be resilient and strong. She has taught us how to be positive in the midst of very negative circumstances and she has also taught us how to look to God for everything. Above all, Mom always taught us not to dwell on what we don’t have in life, but rather what we do have. Mom (Mutti to us, Omi to her grandchildren, and Erika Norgaard to most of you) attends Bethany and loves the Lord. She reminds us of how to take our eyes off ourselves and help others. Mom we love you so much for the wonderful example you have been to us and we are grateful that we all love the Lord together.
Rhoda Strelau and Cora Schmidke
Around the age of 13, my Mother, Ella, was left to care for her dying mother and her two younger brothers. Her father had been called to fight in WWII. After her mother died, a terrified neighbour came running to tell them the Russians were invading Poland. Leaving the family farm, they fled back to Germany.
ReplyDeleteAs they travelled with groups of neighbours, they miraculously met up with their older sisters and brother-in-laws! Their escape to Germany was horrific - little food or shelter in the cold winter but they continued to trust their Father in Heaven.
The money that she earned in the refugee camp from selling eggs and chickens, she saved and banked, all the while encouraging the boys to study hard so that they could get good grades and attend university, foregoing her own education. Ella continued the family tradition of having Bible devotions every evening.
Things were now looking somewhat better in Germany. Ella went on to buy and sell horses, saving as much as much as she could to educate her brothers. While she worked for the Government, she met a young man named Hermann who she married. Their daughter Erika was born a year later. For two years life was going well. Mom's brothers were excelling in school and she was happy attending to her own little family. They were planning a move to Canada where Hermann's cousin and best friend Theo lived. Although Mom never met Theo, she knew he was a kind Christian man through Hermann's letter correspondence.
Tragedy struck when Hermann was killed in an accident. Heartbroken, she vowed to continue to trust in the Lord. Thirteen months later Erika contracted pneumonia and died in her sleep. Heartbroken, depressed and bedridden, she was nursed back to health by her sisters and Mrs. Fetter, Mom's landlady who became a surrogate mother to Ella after Hermann's death. Praying, singing hymns and reading the Bible over several months helped restore her health and spirit.
Her new job with the government was not challenging enough, but she wanted to keep busy because life was very lonely. She continued letter writing to Theo, as Hermann so diligently did. It frightened and yet intrigued her when Theo suggested that she come to Canada. A romance of sorts was beginning to blossom. Theo's mother who lived with him and his two sons, even invited her to come for a visit and stay with them.
Ella's siblings were crazy with worry when she told them she was leaving and heading to Canada. She had been praying to the Lord for wisdom and guidance and was happy with her decision. She knew in her heart that she was going to marry Theo! Her siblings forbid her to take all her belongings, so she promised to only take her suitcase!
Mom came to Canada and married Theo. The crate followed with gifts included! I am the oldest of 3 children that they had. I've always known that God is first in Mom's life. Nothing could interrupt her personal devotion time with Him - no phone calls, no skinned knees and no screaming kids. Every evening she led devotions with us. She taught us the importance of being kind and loving - especially to the lonely and poor, to give generously, and be kind to all animals. She helped many needy and fatherless children even when Dad was out of work for a year after surgery and money was tight. Most days after school a few 'latch key' kids came home with us!
Two years ago arterial bypass surgery failed for poor circulation. Mom was in excruciating pain. We were shocked at how quickly her body was withering away. She was ready to be with the Lord if that was His will. Mom needed to have her leg amputated. Her steadfast love for the Lord remained and His love for her upheld her during her surgery.
I cannot imagine going through any one of the ordeals that my Mom did. I am in awe of her! Her relationship with Him is unbreakable.
I love my Mom so very much! Thank you God for blessing me with such a brave and courageous, kind, most giving woman, who I am so proud to call my Mama.
Helga Schmidke
Oma is so amazing. I often share her unique love story with others - their marriage certainly inspires mine. I guess she is the reason we both love animals so much!
DeleteBrave, energetic, enthusiastic, stubborn, loving, feisty, stoic, capable, hard-working. These are all descriptions of my mother. Born in Orangeville, Ontario in 1928 to a middle-aged, well-established farming couple, my mother was privileged to grow up with few cares or concerns. She was an only child of doting parents, and her early memories include playfully pulling the cat’s tail and coming home from school to eat half a pie for a snack!
ReplyDeleteAfter finishing high school at age 16, she attended teacher’s college for one year, and that equipped her to teach at the local one-room schoolhouse, which she did for 3 years before moving to Port Credit, a suburb of Toronto. In 1954, she began to date a man by the name of Desmond, and they were soon engaged. One evening they were swimming in a neighbour’s swimming hole, and my mom noticed Desmond seemed to be struggling in the water. She tried to help him, but neither of them were strong swimmers, and she only managed to get herself to the edge and crawl out. Desmond, however, was not so fortunate. So, at 24, she was again on her own. It was 1965 before she met and married my dad, adopted my brother and sister, and then had me.
My mother quit her teaching job when my brother was born, and never returned, preferring to be a stay-at-home mom. She taught us all to cook, to clean, to play Rook and Monopoly, and to drive (some of her lessons had to be unlearned when I finally took driver’s training at 17!). When I was in junior high, she decided to try her hand at tutoring math. She loved math, and with her teaching skills and permanent teaching certificate, she was definitely qualified. She had several junior high and high school students for after school tutoring, and so some of the supper-making responsibilities were divided amongst my siblings and me. Thus began cooking lessons. I started by learning to boil potatoes, although this proved to be more challenging than my mother expected! The first time, I put the potatoes on the stove, turned it on, and left it. An hour later, the potatoes were still hard and raw, as I had only turned it on low, and they had not boiled. Okay, so they have to boil! The next time I turned it on high, brought them to a boil, and then turned it down, whereupon the water stopped boiling. I did not realize that they have to keep boiling in order to cook! Thankfully, it did not take me three tries to learn to cook most other things!
My mom was the spiritual head and backbone of our family, insisting we attend church and youth group regularly, and taking us to summer Bible camp every year at Camp Caroline. I remember her regularly reading her Bible and praying at the breakfast table. She was also involved at the churches we attended, on the deacon board, teaching Sunday School, and opening our home for youth group events. She definitely had the gift of hospitality, and we regularly had company for dinner. When I was in university, my friends and boyfriends were always welcome at our home, and often stayed for supper. Sometimes they would stop by to see my sister or me, and even if we weren’t home, they would stay and chat with my mother! When we went skiing on the weekends with our friends, my mother (in her late 60’s) would often come along and ski by herself, meeting us for breaks and lunch. My dad had given up skiing by this time, saying he was too old, but my mother (who is 11 years older!) has never let age determine what she can or can’t do. Even today, at 86, she rides her bike or walks daily.
My mother is a person who unselfishly gives of her time and energy for others. Both of my grandmothers lived with us for several years during my growing up years, and my mother took care of them and eventually found them extended care homes to live in. Although my dad’s mother had 7 children, it was my mom, her daughter-in-law, who cared for her in her old age. For this I have always admired and respected her.